i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
