Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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