Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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