we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How does one acquire holy water?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
