remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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