my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
