The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
