If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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