eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
