i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
