Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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