All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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