there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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