I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
