Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
