Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
