What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize