my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never underestimate the power of titties
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
