Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
