Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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