I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
