Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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