Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
