I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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