: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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