so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
