Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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