Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
