meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
