So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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