Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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