im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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