Your dad touched me again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize