some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
