i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
