help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I want is dick and wine.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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