Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize