Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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