we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
