Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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