i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
