There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
