i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
