if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
