There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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