Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
