11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
