Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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