Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my being single is dangerous.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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