now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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