Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
