What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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