i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
