I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
