so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize