I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
