I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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