Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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