she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
