i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
