Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
