Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize