I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
