Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
