i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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