you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
