i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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