eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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