So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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